Silence

I often hunger for silence. I need silence in which to reflect, to recover, just to be for awhile. But as much as I need it I am often the one surrounding myself with noise to avoid it. Not to avoid the silence, precisely, because the silence is never silent; it is a space for me to think, and I do not always want to think. The way for me to reach the state of peace and contentment is through the silence but it is not the silence. Allowing silence means allowing a blank canvas, a white space, an emptiness, and that is never the goal-- the goal is to hear and see and feel. To hear myself; to hear God; to see truth; to feel whatever it is that I feel. It takes courage for me to allow that emptiness because I never quite know ahead of time with what it will be filled. But if I do not allow it then I become over-stimulated and exhausted and... numb. I know that can't be the goal. I must schedule silence into my life so that I can sing my prayers to God, so that I can process things, so that I can tap into the creative gifts that God gave me, that He gave me and which therefore I'm certain He intends me not to stifle with too much external stimulation, but to use.