Nocturne

Night has always seemed to me an excellent time for reflection, for quietness, for solitude. I've always been fascinated by the feeling of night. I used to lie awake in bed when I ought to have been sleeping, with a very still body and a very active brain. Imagining out stories, music, poetry, etc. I suppose you could say I thought it was a good time to be creative!

As I got older and the more unpleasant parts of life became more of a reality to me--and as I turned into a moody teenager--the night changed, or rather my relationship to it. Lying awake at night became something quite different; staring at the moonlight on my wall, trying to face or forget or accept what I could neither change nor control, quietly overwhelmed by things that were too much for me, or at least too much to let me sleep normally during those nights.

By the grace of God, that phase did not last forever. And, as I've gotten older still, while night has kept its capacity for beauty and creativity without relinquishing its ability to sometimes be the time when thoughts that I keep at bay during the day come to the surface against my will, I have discovered that it has yet a third face in my life as a time to be social, either in late-night girl-talks or in hanging out with a larger group for fun.

However, I still think that primarily night is for memories, reflections, and quiet indulgences in feelings that don't need to be spoken aloud. Oddly, it was not a night but a memory of a night that sparked the desire to write about night--one night over the summer, walking around a city after dark with a friend while she took pictures, we talked, and the atmosphere was one of goodbyes. It was a beautiful night, one of many memories from a summer that I hope to remember forever.