Tuesday, March 1, 2011

if there is a fine line between bravery and foolhardiness, what about determination and pigheadedness?

It is past three o'clock in the morning. I am not, by nature, a night owl. By all that is normal and healthy, I should be fast asleep right now. I am not, obviously.

To what, you ask, do I attribute this unaccustomed and undesirable state of consciousness? Insomnia caused by stress or too much caffeine or some other, more incomprehensible, reason, such as an insufficient amount of calcium and magnesium in my physical system? Bad dreams? Sleeping environment too cold or too hot or too noisy?

All of these would be quite believable reasons, but I am afraid tonight the true answer is "none of the above," although both stress and caffeine are not without a certain degree of complicity.

No, I am awake because of my own stubbornness. Determination? Or pigheadedness? What is the difference? Is it one of degree? Is it whether the thing that it causes you to do is by some objective standard reasonable or unreasonable? Or is the only difference the choice of the speaker (or writer) of putting a positive or a negative spin on the stick-to-it-iveness of the person or action being described?

At the moment, I don't know. I am ambivalent about my own decision to be awake this late at night. I am tired. I will pay for this later. However, I feel a certain degree of--pride? or satisfaction? another question of positive or negative spin?--at having accomplished what I set out to do. And yes, for anyone who is still wondering, I did indeed stay up this late in the noble (I hope) cause of Getting Things Done.

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