Thursday, September 1, 2011
I have a new motto.
It is a promise to myself about what my motivations and attitudes will be, and what they will not be.
It is a promise that this year will be different. That I will not waste time in feeling guilty when I take a break, or in hanging around half-working just because I don't feel entitled to a break. That I will, in fact, take breaks when I need them for mental or physical health and that I will NOT feel guilty about being a finite human being with a certain temperament that comes with its limitations.
It is a promise that I will never again use my own personal version of the carrot-and-the-stick method of motivation--my own personal method being all stick and no carrot. It is a promise that avoidance of guilt, or obligation to match what someone else is doing, or fear of failure, will NOT be the reason that I do what I do.
It is a promise that I will find a true and proper motivation to work, in personal enjoyment of the material, in a genuine desire to do well, in a healthy non-pressurized desire to please and serve others, in a sense that what I am doing I am doing because I am called of God to do it and not because it is required by an institution or an organization.
It is a promise that I will make time alone with God seeking Him in my own quiet, creative, introverted ways a priority, because otherwise I will never find the energy to do the work He has called me to, or the guidance to know what that work is.
And most of all, it is a commitment to focus on the process rather than the destination, to focus on direction rather than measuring where I am as if it is supposed to be the end result, and to find satisfaction in the process of becoming the person that God has called me to be, in patience and in trust, without fear, without apology, and without the need to compare myself to others.