How Not to Accomplish Goals

Ít is better to try and fail epically than to not try at all.


Or at least, so I say. This is one of the things I believe that it is hard for me to actually put into practice. I want something, but I'm afraid I can't have it, so I pretend I don't want it. I work at something, but I'm afraid I won't succeed, so I don't try very hard. Then I realize what I'm doing and what its result inevitably will be.


If I distract myself from the things most important to me by putting more effort into somewhat less important things, I'm always going to be stuck wondering why it is I'm doing better at the less important things while disappointing myself in those most important things.


If I spend my time running away from my own goals, I'm never going to reach them! If I run towards them, I might fail--I might fail badly--but it's still the only way I'm going to have any chance at success.


Another element is the unexpected. I fear the unexpected because if I'm not prepared for something, if I didn't know it was coming, I don't think I'm going to be able to handle it well. If I don't know what's going to happen then I'd rather nothing did. The bad part is that this goes for unexpected opportunities. Sometimes I say no (or run the other way) to an opportunity that I really want, just because I wasn't expecting it, or don't know what the outcome will be, so it scares me.


But what if the path of daily happenstance is actually trying to lead me somewhere that I really want to go? Am I going to miss it because I was scared to take a detour?


I'm trying to learn to be more scared of not trying than I am of failing. Or, better yet, not to be motivated by any fear, but to actually be positively motivated by the desires that God has placed in me and by the trust that He knows what He is doing, whether I was "prepared" or not.

A Confession

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Romans 8:18-25, ESV

I have a confession to make. Like so many things, this confession has a good side and a bad side. The good side is this: I care about the issues of the world. I care about violence and injustice and starvation and exploitation. Ever since when I was 12 I read this one book that mentioned some of these things that happen in the world, I have cared, and I have wanted to do something.

Another good thing is that I have always known that this is something that God cares about, too. There are so many verses about releasing the captives and caring for the poor and doing what is just by our neighbors; it is clearly important to Him.

So, I care, and I recognize that He has called me to care, and not  only to feel something, but also to do something. What's the bad side of my confession?

Well, thinking about the things that are wrong in the world is painful, and I am kind of a wimp. Knowing that I am supposed to do something, and not knowing what to do about it, is hard. For years I have been actively avoiding and putting off the subject. My reasoning was, that I didn't know what I specifically was supposed to do, and until I knew that, why not just not think about it at all? It was much easier that way, so I put that part of my heart to the side, and I didn't talk about it or seek it. Until quite recently, that is.

More recently, I have been thinking about the fact that knowing God's will in an area of one's life comes from actively spending time listening to Him in that area, both in prayer and in His word. I have also been thinking about the fact that most things for me work out to be a slow and gradual process, not a sudden realization. Putting those two things together means that, unless I start seeking these issues, thinking about them, praying about them, reading about them, talking about them, then I am never going to know what it is I am called to do, and it is going to be a small and guilty secret for the rest of my life that there was something I was supposed to do, and I was never brave enough to find out what it was.

No Pressure!

I have a new motto.

It is a promise to myself about what my motivations and attitudes will be, and what they will not be.

It is a promise that this year will be different. That I will not waste time in feeling guilty when I take a break, or in hanging around half-working just because I don't feel entitled to a break. That I will, in fact, take breaks when I need them for mental or physical health and that I will NOT feel guilty about being a finite human being with a certain temperament that comes with its limitations.

It is a promise that I will never again use my own personal version of the carrot-and-the-stick method of motivation--my own personal method being all stick and no carrot. It is a promise that avoidance of guilt, or obligation to match what someone else is doing, or fear of failure, will NOT be the reason that I do what I do.

It is a promise that I will find a true and proper motivation to work, in personal enjoyment of the material, in a genuine desire to do well, in a healthy non-pressurized desire to please and serve others, in a sense that what I am doing I am doing because I am called of God to do it and not because it is required by an institution or an organization.

It is a promise that I will make time alone with God seeking Him in my own quiet, creative, introverted ways a priority, because otherwise I will never find the energy to do the work He has called me to, or the guidance to know what that work is.

And most of all, it is a commitment to focus on the process rather than the destination, to focus on direction rather than measuring where I am as if it is supposed to be the end result, and to find satisfaction in the process of becoming the person that God has called me to be, in patience and in trust, without fear, without apology, and without the need to compare myself to others.

Trust

What is trust? It is not needing to know all the answers before you believe in something. It is following God's peace through the Holy Spirit and believing that, even if what we are doing does not make sense to us now, even if we do not know why we should do a thing,that somehow it all makes sense. It is being obedient in disregard of the consequences (or of knowing what the consequences are). It is bringing all our feelings, hurts, desires, and questions to God, believing that He can understand, that He will heal, that He will give us exactly (no more, and no less) what we truly need from Him in comfort or information--if only we will trust Him enough to bring these things to Him in faith.

It is piloting a ship in uncharted waters with no land in sight, but being unafraid because you have listened to the right person about what your compass-bearing should be.

It is believing that the character of God is entirely good. It is believing that His word is truth. It is seeking Him when we cannot see and asking Him when we cannot know. It is listening to the still, small voice and heeding His instructions. It is knowing that God never stops loving, never abandons, never lies, never betrays; knowing that those who trust in Him will not be disappointed. It is realizing that we as humans do not need to understand in order to trust in Him.

It is taking to Him and to His Word all the twisted and broken pieces of our wrong beliefs about Him, about ourselves, about our relationship with Him, and letting Him break that portrait and replace it with His own truth. It is knowing that He understands, in a way that we could not, precisely who we are and what we need and how we learn and how we relate to the bigger picture. It is trusting that He will show us exactly as much of the picture as we truly need to know, if only we will ask.

It is letting Him break us out of the prisons that we have devised for our own "safety" but that really just prevent us from flying . . . it is trusting His timing, both in the sense of waiting on Him and in the sense that when He tells you that it is time to do a thing, it must be the right time to do it!

Kingdom-Bearing, Gifts, and Fruits

"Whenever you enter a town and they receive you, eat what is set before you. Heal the sick in it and say to them, 'The kingdom of God has come near to you.' But whenever you enter a town and they do not receive you, go into its streets and say, 'Even the dust of your town that clings to our feet we wipe off against you. Nevertheless know this, that the kingdom of God has come near.'"

Luke 10:8-11

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.

1 Corinthians 12:4-8

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies--in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To Him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.

1 Peter 4:10-11

I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.

1 Corinthians 3:6-7

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23

During a Bible study, I was struck by the idea presented to me that we, as servants of God sent by Him, carried the kingdom with us where we went whether the people that we took it to accepted the message or not. We were asked to reflect on what it meant to us that we took the kingdom of God with us wherever we went. I thought about it, and in the midst of thinking about that and being encouraged by it I was also overwhelmed by a sense of it as a colossal responsibility, and I had to remind myself that I am far from the only kingdom-bearer.

As we have all been given different gifts of the Spirit and different personalities and abilities, I guess we also each bear different pieces and aspects and ways of manifesting that Kingdom. I am sure that God does not expect us to each witness and serve in the same way; He would not have created us each different if that were the case. I have been thinking a lot about who He has made me to be and how some of the very things that I think of as weaknesses--or that I sometimes wish were more like the way they are for someone else--are things that actually enable me to do things that I would otherwise be unable to do.

As I try to serve God, I can be very impatient about the idea of seeing some sort of results--mostly because I want to be sure that I am really doing something. This is something that He has been asking me to be more trusting about, and to be content even if I never *see* the results that I might wish to. To trust Him that if I am attempting to serve Him and am growing, He will work through me, whether I see what He is doing or not--and, if I doubt His ability to work through me even if I am willing and wishing and praying for Him to do so, that is not humility, that is doubting Him!! That would be, as it were, putting more trust in my ability to screw things up than in His ability to fix them!

Mary and Martha

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to His teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to Him and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me." But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."

Luke 10:38-42

At the beginning of this passage, it sounds like Martha's doing a great job. She welcomes Jesus into her home; she is working hard to be a good hostess to Him. But then she turns and sees her sister doing something that she decides doesn't count as doing anything: listening to Jesus. So she goes to Jesus and tries to tell Him what to do. Jesus doesn't respond the way she wanted, but He does respond with compassion. He implies that her priorities might not be where they should be, and He definitely refuses to rebuke Mary for sitting at His feet and listening to Him.

When we were talking about this in a manuscript Bible study (yeah, this is one of those posts I meant to do about a month ago), I took a lot of comfort from it for a couple of reasons. For one thing, it seemed to imply that "worried and distracted by many things" was not God's will for us as a lifestyle. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being busy!!--it might be a difference in attitude and priorities more than in the level of business. Also, in a certain area of my life this past year I have felt like I simply didn't "do" enough, and honestly, maybe I didn't, but it is still comforting to think that maybe the number of things one *does* is not an appropriate measure of success.

As a direction rather than as a comfort, the strongest angle that I saw was a question of priorities or even chronological order. Which is more important (or comes first) in serving God--listening to Him or running around looking for things to do? Obviously, doing things is truly an important part of serving Him, but maybe us going around doing stuff (even in a true attempt to serve Him) isn't necessarily serving Him. Maybe the first thing to do is always to listen to Him and pray and then serve Him according to His leading, according to His will rather than our ingenuity and energy.

I guess the lesson would be how very very important it is to spend time regularly in the presence of God, reading His word, listening to Him, praying, seeking guidance. The week that I was first thinking about that in reading that passage, I actually was spending a lot of time in that, and it was very good. This is not to say that I am still being good about it, but I guess that's why I wanted to write this, as a reminder.

Rich and Poor

Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation, and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass he will pass away. For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits.

James 1:9-11

But many who are first will be last, and the last first.

Matthew 19: 30

For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.

Luke 14:11

There are many different ways in which it is possible to be rich or poor. I would argue that each of us reading this right now probably has areas of their life in which they could be classified as rich and also areas in which they could be classified as poor. Where do you feel like a success? Where do you feel like a failure? What is easy for you and what is hard? Is there an area of your life in which you are jealous of other people? What about one in which those same people might be jealous of you (think about it! it's more likely than it sounds!)?

I've certainly felt the oddity of that dichotomy in my life. My own strengths and weaknesses, wholenesses and brokennesses, are often frustrating for me--on both sides! I was recently re-reading A Little Princess, by Frances Hodgson Burnett, and was struck by Sara's insistence (in the early stage of the book when she is ridiculously fortunate in many ways) that it was only "an accident" that she was what she was instead of being a poor ignorant hungry scullery-maid. That is a little what I have always thought about the way succeeding in some ways and areas of my life has been for me. Why this for me and yet not for someone else?

Unfortunately, I've tended to focus far more on the things that I perceive as my failures. Especially when I see other people succeeding in that same area. (Forgive me . . .) I sit and look at where I am like I'm down in some little hole while "they" are over there mountain climbing . . . and it didn't occur to me at all that some of the same people that I feel that sinful jealousy of might also have the temptation to be jealous of me, but after actually talking with some of those folks and thinking I realize that that can happen!

I've only recently (well, a few weeks ago now) come to think of all the mountains being brought low and the valleys brought high kinds of imagery in Scripture relative to this set of failures and successes. And the directives to glory in the humiliation of one's "rich" areas while glorying in the exaltation of one's "poor" areas . . . I think what that means for me right now is looking at where I am rich, acknowledging it, even being thankful for it, but mostly realizing how very tiny and unimportant and PASSING it is compared to God. And then looking at everything that I have felt discontented with my position--with what I've been unable to do--with what I don't have--and glorying in God's ability and desire and plan to exalt those humble things, if not now, then in the end.

For knowledge will pass away, and ability will pass away, even disappointment will pass away, but love will never cease, and God will never change.